HAPPY CHRISTMAS

I have to post this quickly but I will expand on it later.
I had my Gynae/Oncology appointment yesterday, the specialist was awesome...
I like her even more because she told me I don't have cancer, she re scanned me and said she could see a lot going on but that it was most definitely not cancer. She was less than impressed with the way the GP had dealt with the situation and told my husband and I she would be having words with them.
I can't begin to explain how I feel now, or even how I felt for the last two weeks!
When I was told nothing would ever be the same again, it was probably the truest thing ever said to me. Nothing will ever be the same, even though I don't have cancer.
This will hopefully be the last post with that label....

Receptionists!!

I don't know if Doctors receptionists have to have a qualification in unhelpfulness but at our surgery they would pass with flying colours!
The other day I blogged about trying to get an appointment to see a doctor, and being told I would have to call the practice nurse the following morning, I have since had two more dealings with the receptionists there, the first was the following day when I duly rang for an appointment with the nurse, when she asked why and I told her she told me "Oh no you need to see a doctor for that" Give me strength.... she did however give me an appointment but I did have to then wait a few days! Having been in for this appointment the doctor asked me to make an appointment to see either him or my normal doctor in seven to ten days....
Back out at reception they told me that the doctor I had just seen wasn't in until mid January, so I asked for an appointment with my own doctor, she, it seems is fully booked. I leave. whilst I am outside ringing my husband to pick me up one of the receptionists comes out and asks me to come back in and make an appointment with another doctor. I explain that I don't want to see every doctor in the practice thank you.
Once back at home I got a phone call from the surgery, they have managed to find me an appointment with my own doctor on the Wednesday after all!

Black and White

Last night at training I met the first person who knows that I have OC but treated me just the same as normal. Thank you Obelix, Since finding out people either don't seem to know how to deal with it or go over the top, both of which is not nice. This mornings post brought my hospital appointment, the date and time were no surprise as they had spoken to me on the phone, what was a surprise to me was the shock I felt at seeing the words:- Gynaecological Oncology appointment on a letter addressed to me....... Since receiving the letter the day has gone in a daze, even my husband seems to have been affected by either the letter or my reaction to it. I have no more to say today.

Tick tock tick tock

Today after sorting out the horses and cleaning out the hedgehog, I sat waiting for the post! Hoping that my hospital appointment would arrive and be quick... The post came, but no appointment. After lunch I got a phone call from the hospital to make an appointment, the first one they could offer me was next Wednesday (16 Dec) I know this is only 9 days away, but right now that could be 9 weeks it feels like such a long wait. I rang my line manager who suggested I get a sick note from the doctor as I won't be fit for work with that hanging over me! I rang the doctors surgery and got the most unhelpful "jobs worth" of a receptionist who wouldn't listen to what I was saying and decided in the end that I should see the practice nurse tomorrow. Bloody hell!!! But I can't make an appointment to see her oh no! Not now at least, I have to phone back at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I think she may have shares in BT. Why is everything so difficult? Or maybe its me??
My husband and I are off to see a friend shortly who is the chaplain at the local hospital, then its training tonight... I wonder if I will want to go, and then if once there I will want to be there! Everything seems very upside down at the moment.

living on pause

I am on pause. Everything is moving at ninety miles an hour all around but I am in suspended animation.....
This morning we had a phone call asking if we could have our granddaughter for a few hours as my daughter in law had some things to attend to. Whilst she was on the phone I gave her a rundown of what happened yesterday. She was shocked!
My husband had to take litlun for her grade two singing exam today, and Flower turned up whilst they were out. We made up the Thomas the tank engine tracks and played with that then had some lunch. My sister in law came round with some flowers and had a cuppa and a chat which was nice, as although we live about three miles apart because of our shifts and kids clubs we rarely get to meet up.
After Flower had been collected and Litlun and my Husband had got home, Apparently Litlun did really well and her singing teacher thinks she may have got a pass with distinction, I drove down to do the horses, it was raining I rang Lou, (hands free) and had a good cry.....again (poor Lou) then got on with the job of bringing Red and Mouse in, Lou had mucked out and got the stables ready so all I had to do was mix the feeds and change their rugs.
People don't seem to know what to say to me, I feel like I have been set apart as different and its horrid, I am not cancer, I am still me..... I am still me!

Where is my blue sky?

Yesterday I went to the doctors for a scan, I have been having a few problems and had a scan about 6 weeks ago, this was to be the follow up scan. Its not a pleasant experience but the lady who did it was nice which makes a difference. Last time I went they found fibroids and a few other things, this time however I mentioned I had been having abdo pain low down for months, so she investigated this area further... Last night I had a phone call from the doctors surgery, I needed to go in for an urgent appointment in the morning. This I guessed couldn't be anything good! This morning I went to the doctors, he told me I had Ovarian cancer, and that a fast track (within two weeks) appointment at the local hospital would be made, and as no cancer had shown up on the blood test I had had two months ago, they would like to do another one. I don't know what to think I am confused and disbelieving and angry and can't stop crying...... My blog will now become my journey, it won't be pretty my language no doubt will be..... well Fishwife springs to mind! So if fishwife isn't your thing, best you don't read on.