Flat as a pancake.

When everyone thought the world was flat Columbus said its round, he went down in history and America was found! According to an Elvis Presley record I was given for Christmas as a child.
Well, my world is still as flat as a pancake at the moment, so please someone I need a bicycle pump. (Why do they call it a bike pump? I mean, its not the bike you are pumping up, its the tyres on the bike, ahh well!)
 I could really do with some nice positive news or something.
To be honest I could just do with something going along smoothly.