401

This, according to the dashboard is my 401st post on this blog. Hence the title.

I had intended to call it something else but I can't remember what, my memory is totally shot at the moment!
I could do with a holiday ha ha shame my bank statement doesn't agree!
Well, what can I say, My Husband is at work, Beth has gone away to stay with friends for a few days and Litlun is out...as usual. So I am again home alone.
Yesterday I was taken by some friends to Walsingham, it was a good day the weather held out until it was time to leave and the "boycotters" were let down as the procession was diverted so they couldn't shout abuse at us, which is what they apparently have done each year.
There were thousands of people there, but even so there were less than in previous years due to the mass exodus to Rome earlier in the year by many priests and their whole parishes.
I should write more on this but have lost the ability to think right now.

Routine

The Mouse is home! I was quite sorry to leave the yard where she was, as the people there were extremely knowledgeable and both Mouse and I benefited from it, still its good to be back at our own yard really, where I know where everything is and we have our routine again.
That is, at the moment the only thing that is still routine, I have been signed off for another two weeks, I am beginning to wonder just how much longer I will be able to manage with this ongoing stress.
I am also beginning to see who my true friends are, and am extremely grateful for them too, I hope that if my friends ever needed me I would be there for them as much as they are for me.
When I say that was the only thing still routine, my lovely husband who is obviously going through the same situation with our daughter, is still fab, and I love him. Sometimes I forget he is going through it too and I can be quite selfish.

Escape..

A little bright window, other than the weather that is, today I went and rode mouse in a bridle, traditional style for the first time. . . she was brilliant, and I loved it. An hour of escapism, before re entering the real world again.

spinning

For the past week I have been signed off sick, thanks in the most to my 14 year old daughter who sees fit to trample all over us, she comes in at gone midnight... on a school night and will not do anything at all that we ask. She lies to us and has tins of food in her room that we have not bought?? She is not getting any pocket money as her room is a tip and she is so rude! Where is this stuff coming from? To add insult to injury she expects us to do things for her, and if we do the good will is thrown straight back at us and if we wont, oh does she make us pay! I have another week signed off then its back to work. I don't know if I am coming or going at the moment, and am beginning to feel as if I am on a constant fair ground ride which is making my head spin but the operator wont let me off............. Where do we go from here?? Answers on a post card PLEASE!

Mouse trip!

Yesterday Mouse went away for two weeks.

A friend had broken her in for riding using the Pirelli/natural horsemanship methods, sadly I can not get the hang of it and the combination of green horse and novice "natural" rider doesn't work very well. Add to that the cost of ongoing lessons, just for daily hacking and its a recipe for financial as well as body disaster! To mention nothing of a very confused horse! So I decided to have her re broken in the way that I have been riding for 40ish years. One of the girls from the yard offered to take me in her horse box so we met at the yard and bundled all Mouses tack and a sweat rug into the box then added her! Then with the owner of the box Cilla, and another friend from the yard, Sarah we set off. On arrival at our destination we got out and one of the stable girls showed us where Mouse was to be stabled, Well!! Mouse and I both stopped dead in our tracks, the stable had to be bigger than my kitchen diner it was huge!, I was just about to tell the stable girl that when ever Mouse goes into her stable she will roll, when she did exactly that! Everybody thought she was beautiful, and such an unusual colour, I suppose I am biased as she is mine and as for the colour I guess I am used to it now. Having had a cup or tea, and met the yard people and funny furries (lamb who thinks its a human and a grumpy donkey as well as the horses) we set off back to our yard to tidy up and do Cilla and Sarah's ponies. What shall I do with myself, no stable work for two weeks!

Crash test dummy

I feel like a crash test dummy......

When you have kids you have a rosy picture in your head (and don't tell me you don't!) of happy mummy and daddy with bouncing baby on your knee and possibly a brother or sister for the fore mentioned baby, in due course all happy and smiling. . .

But, what happens when that picture doesn't quite look like that in real life, for instance the bouncing baby grows up and turns into a teenager that detests you and everything you have or stand for? What happens when they just go completely off the rails and don't care at all for you or your feelings, when they go out and stay out late and you have to get the police involved, when they do the opposite of what you say just "because"! when they are rude and hurtful and they upset you every day. They can't or won't see your point of view, after all you were never young!! And when anything you do to try and mediate gets thrown back in your face...... What happens? I'll tell you what happens, you cry, . . lots! But you won't get any help, none at all not from social services (yes it is that bad!) and in the end you will feel totally empty, totally. . . and will you come back out the other side.................................. I don't know!

Time to breath

Ahh my last shift of the set done and dusted, now I have some time off, not that it isn't busy.
sometimes I wish I didn't fill my diary so full... Take today for instance, I finished my shift at 06:30 and got home, managed to take my granddaughter to school and vote at the poling station come back home and get a couple of hours sleep before going down to the stables to wait for the vet to come and give Mouse her inoculations, then go home then go back to the school collect Flower, back to the stables for the farrier then home for some dinner before being able to relax properly, 1 down, 5 to go! Hmm, I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

:-(

Just a quick update, The Northern Bird did not win the competition. She made it into the finals but that's where it stopped. Sorry Hunni, I had everything crossed. xxx

Out of control

Father forgive me for I have sinned, it has been way too long since my last blog!
It has as you can see been over a month since my last blog. Things here are in a muddle, my youngest daughter is totally out of control (I blame the parents!) and she acts as if she hates us. We have tried to get help but where do you turn for help with things like this? I even tried social services, who have twice said they will send me a letter with some information sheets in and have twice NOT done so. I am getting close to the end of my tether, and when I reach it I'm sure I don't know what will happen. One or two of my friends know whats going on but to be honest its not the sort of thing you go round talking about! This sucks.
To add to this we are receiving constant text and phone calls from one of our friends ex partners, I have not replied or answered the phone so I have no idea whet they want but I have no wish to be drawn into a slanging match...My friends are my friends I will always be on their side (unless they do the dirty on me, at which point they no longer qualify as friends!)
On the plus side, My husband will be ordained priest this June, we also have a three day event with the Army to go to, this is to see for our selves if this is the path we want to take once my husband has finished his curacy. He is seriously thinking of becoming an Army Chaplain, personally I think he would be perfectly suited to the job, what with his past military experience and the things he does now, it'll be me who will have to get a grip with the military way.... still can't be any worse than the Ambulance service!
Amen.